Mrs Jones from Clapham writes: Brian, I was perusing the pages of Amazon.com the other day and it gave me a right laugh to see that no one, not a single person, has bothered to post any kind of review of you. I love it when smarmy books like you fall flat on your covers, because that's the kind of person I am.
Brian says: Yes, Mrs Jones, you clearly are an obnoxious windbag of the first order. But I've got news for you, because if you look now you'll see a glowing customer review posted only today. So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it!